All About Toothbrushing Zombies – A Complete Guide
I guess you all know about zombies. Normal zombies, I mean. For those who don’t, zombies are dead people who can walk and feed on human flesh. If you get bit by a zombie, you become one. One can say that zombies are modern White Walkers.
So, tooth brushing zombies. These are no ordinary zombies because, well, they brush their teeth. Sounds weird, I know, but these zombies were once people who were minding their own business, quietly brushing their teeth, probably humming a tune when a sneaky zombie attacked them from behind. (Didn’t they see it in the mirror? They did, but they were so petrified with horror, they couldn’t move). So, in the end, they too became zombies. Not just zombies, but a special kind, the ‘Tooth Brushing’ ones.
How to spot a Tooth Brushing Zombie
Now, these zombies have a toothbrush in their hand, always, period. Most of the time, they keep brushing their teeth. They don’t have access to toothpaste anymore, so they just keep brushing their teeth with a dry toothbrush. Some zombies are also said to have mouthwash or floss strings. Now, these zombies are attracted to the smell of toothpaste and mouthwash. So keep your eyes glued to the mirror and lock the bathroom door properly. Also, keep listening to the sounds of brushing teeth or gurgling sounds other than yours, because a tooth brushing zombie might be lurking nearby.
How to escape from a Tooth Brushing Zombie
Yikes! You didn’t bolt the door and now you are face to face with a deadly zombie. (Told you this would happen!) It’s all right. There’s no time to take a deep breath, so don’t bother. First, make sure that this zombie really is a Tooth Brushing zombie. They don’t always keep brushing their teeth, so the simple part of figuring out is lost. Try to see if it has a toothbrush in its hand. If you can’t (you are obviously concentrating on those terrible, terrible teeth that are about to sink in your throat, of course), check out those teeth. Are they
a) bloody and dirty? or
b) squeaky clean?
If your answer is b, then hand over (throw) your toothbrush to the hungry zombie. If it is a tooth brushing one, it will definitely be very happy by the prospect of a new toothbrush and and while it is engrossed in checking the brush out, sneak away quietly, lock the zombie in and call the Zombie Extermination Force. I hope you have their number.
What if your answer is a? Then I recommend you to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction.
Preventive Measures
I suggest you keep toothbrushes all over the house, so that if a tooth brushing zombie tries to attack you outside of your bathroom, these will come in handy. I personally carry a toothbrush with me all the time. Better to be safe than becoming a zombie, am I right? Also, keep your toothpaste and mouthwash locked in a steel locker whenever not used. (Why? Read: How to spot a Tooth Brushing Zombie). Lock your doors, stay alert, stay alive.
Good luck!
This is an oldie, written in 2017. This probably is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written. It looks like it was written when I was high as the sky, but I assure you, I wasn’t. Such stuff comes to my mind all the time. If you’re hesitant to talk to me the next time we meet, I completely understand.
